I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
