suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
