how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Randomize
