if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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