There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
She needs sedatives and a leash
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
