His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
