I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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