I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
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