3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
