i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
