i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize