My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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