I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
