I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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