you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
