Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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