After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
My balls are so social today.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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