Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
