Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize