I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
