Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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