i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
The uberlube is also flammable
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
