I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
She bit a glass in half.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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