I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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