I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
