You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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