he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
