i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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