Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Farmville is her only friend.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize