I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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