dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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