Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Drunk is a universal language darling
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
