Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
