I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
