I am puke
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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