Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
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