Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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