Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
