Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I have feelings that need drinking.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize