i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Are we still banned from the library?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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