he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
