I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
