Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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