when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Randomize