my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Randomize
