I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
