Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
