hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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