youre lurking in front of me
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize