You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
