I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
