Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
