you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
