Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
