Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
