Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
