Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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