allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
