I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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