I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize