we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
