I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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