I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
