Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
