Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Randomize
