Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

my mouth tastes like poor choices

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(678): View more from Georgia

I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.

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(734): View more from Michigan

I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth

(248): View more from Michigan

Sounds like a blessing in disguise

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(616): View more from Michigan

Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him

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(813): View more from Florida

either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...

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(206): View more from Washington

She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.

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(336): View more from North Carolina

I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her

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