She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
