the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Randomize
