Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
