Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
