just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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