we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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