who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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