can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
