don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
