Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Randomize
