About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
