My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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