dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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