Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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