dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
