I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
