can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
its liver damage thursday
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
