I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I can't put those talents on a resume
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Randomize
