Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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