i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Fuck appropriateness.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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