So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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