Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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