im gay
i know
yea but for you.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
