well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
