His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
