told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Randomize
