Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize