you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
