Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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