how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
