Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
