Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
