I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
