get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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