I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
