that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Just invented taco cereal.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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