if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize