how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
