I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Randomize
