Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
