none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
